Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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