How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
