On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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