dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
