i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
