He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
