he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
