I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
