i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
we're making bets on your personal life
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
