i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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