): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
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