i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
