if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
