Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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