i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
