It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
