it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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