How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
