when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
