3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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