First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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