This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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