I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
