I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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