Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
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