I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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