She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
