bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
