My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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