The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
