so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
