I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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