I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
