shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
