i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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