So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
