Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
