Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
found the other keg... it's in the tree
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
