I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
