we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
