pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
