Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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