don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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