kristin has been a bad kristin
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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