The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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