No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
