Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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