and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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