Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
