Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
