Nicole vs. Life
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
