i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
