He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
