You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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